Expectations can kill a marriage. Wrong moves can kill a marriage. 5 women spoke openly about it.
In the midst of emotions we say and do things we do not think. Sometimes we are too scared or too proud to communicate properly about our needs.
Divorced women answer the question of what they would do differently in their marriage:
“I wish I could ask for help when I needed it.”
I only feel sorry for one thing in life, that I did not speak when I needed help. As soon as we got married, I became a wife and mother at the same time and the expectations and pressure on me seemed devastating. I was supposed to be both a super mom and a perfect wife. While cleaning, cooking, breastfeeding, I tried to look like a supermodel. I set impossible goals and simply burned out. I ended my marriage because it seemed like the only way to end the stressful life I was creating. I was angry with my partner, who did not understand why. I just wish I could tell my ex-husband, “I need help.” If I had talked to him about my emotions, maybe our marriage would have survived.
“I wish I had the courage to end things faster.”
I regret that I allowed the bad situation to last so long. From the very beginning of the marriage we quarreled a lot. I wish I had the courage to face the problem faster. I avoided the bad truth and allowed our life together to turn into suffering.
“I want to realize that being a wife is not the only thing that defines me.”
I am most sorry that I did not have autonomy in my marriage. I created unhealthy dynamics and saw my husband as the most important person in the relationship. Instead of pursuing a meaningful career, pursuing a hobby, and developing myself, I only identified myself as a wife. She gave him the feeling that I was valuable as a woman. When the dynamics became unhealthy, I had to get away from it. I realized that I had put all my power in someone else’s hands.
“I want to take responsibility, instead of constantly pointing the finger at someone else.”
I was so busy looking for guilt in my partner that I did not pay attention to the little things I could have done differently. I’m sorry about that. I was young and partially immature and did not know that I could not expect anyone else to make me happy and fulfilled. I thought the end of the marriage came because he was the problem. I wish I knew that there are different stages in marriage and that it is sometimes worth the effort to make things work. Divorce has had a very negative effect on my children, I’m sorry about that.
“I wish I had learned how to speak the language of love.”
I wish I loved him the way he needed to be loved. It was only after the divorce that I realized that love has its own language. For me, the language of love was physical touches and quality time together, and for him help and words of support. We were constantly in conflict, we did not understand each other. He did things that made him feel proud, but I criticized him and that was the opposite of what he needed to feel loved.