What does the beginning and the end look like…
I have never believed in love from fairy tales, the prince on the white horse… I do not seem to be that type of romantic person. When I met him, I believed that he was a realist like me, that he saw me as I was, that he loved me, without any hidden purpose.
The ten years of marriage flew in the birth and upbringing of the two children. Work, home, responsibilities. The marriage is peaceful and for me more than satisfactory. No quarrels, we know each other, we understand each other…
At least I thought so.
One day I came home from work and he is sitting pensive. He often has those “moments” and I do not pay much attention to them until the children fall asleep.
I see that such a mood does not pass him by and I ask him along the way: What is happening? Are you OK?
He straightened up, blinked and told me quite seriously without any introduction: “I do not love you anymore.”
At first I smiled briefly, probably a defense mechanism, and then I got a rash.
Like lightning struck me. My head seems to have exploded, my body was shaking, I look at it, and the image blurs before my eyes. He is serious, sitting and silent.
“Do you have any?” I ask like a shotgun.
“I do not have it,” he tells me calmly.
“I do not trust you” – I shout uncontrollably.
He is still sitting and just silent. It hurts me that he does not feel the need to even explain it to me. Neither to defend, nor to defend our marriage, ten years!
“What are we going to do now?”, I ask brokenly, and with one part of my brain, I hope with all my might that this is a dream, that he is joking, that it is anything but what is happening to me…
“I do not know, I will move out, either you or I,” she says calmly, brokenly, seriously.
“What is happening to you?” Do you have to have one? Do you have to be in love? Who is she, tell me ?! ”
He is silent.
This is even harder for me than when he told me he did not love me. I’m waiting, and he’s nothing. I can not extract a single sentence from it.
The silence lasts for a while, and then he starts talking:
“I was trying to remember why I love you, but I can’t. There is no other woman. Simply, love is gone. I know we have children and all that, but I do not feel anything for you. I can not live with that. “I just can’t wake up next to you anymore,” he says solemnly, quietly.
Every word is a new shock to me! Who is this man? Is this real? What is happening?
I have never considered myself a fatal woman, but for my age I look decent. I do not look at other men, nor do I notice if anyone is staring at me. But when I look in the mirror, it seems to me that “I am doing well”.
As for our relationship, romance has never been our strong point. I enjoyed the reality of our community. Marriage and children and that stability were everything to me. Security meant to me.
Now it has started to shoot, to collapse, and I have nothing to rely on to save us, to survive.
Several days passed like through fog. To explain to the children, and even to the parents, that we are no longer together.
“Why?” Became the hardest question people ever bombarded me with. I decided to move out with the children. I left the house to him. It was easier for me to start over.
We rented an apartment near the elementary school and started a life. It all seemed like a dream to me. A nightmare.
Day by day I expected to hear a story about him and “a woman there”, but in vain. He lived alone, went to work and resumed his usual routine.
A year has passed since all this happened, his “great confession”, and even today it would be easier for me to hear from him that he had someone, that he fell in love, that he had any reason to stop loving me. But that never happened…